Jack of all Days

It really is hard to get a novel published: A Jane Austen fan submits her work anonymously to publishers… and received a dozen rejections. David Lassman submitted three of Austen’s classic works - Northanger Abbey, Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion - to 18 publishers and literary agents. One recognized the work as Jane Austen, another said they were a “really original read.” But the rest simply rejected them or never responded, according to the man who posted the manuscripts. “It was unbelievable,” Lassman said. “If the major publishers can’t recognize great literature, who knows what might be slipping through the net? “

Pediatricians double as Big Brother: Thanks to guidelines issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics, doctors across the country are interrogating our kids about mom and dad’s “bad” behavior. The paranoia over parents is so strong that the AAP encourages doctors to ignore “legal barriers and deference to parental involvement” and shake the children down for all the inside information they can get. And that information doesn’t stay with the doctor, either. One mom reports that the pediatrician asked her 5-year-old daughter if “daddy owned a gun.” When the little girl said yes, the doctor began grilling her and her mom about the number and type of guns, how they are stored, etc. The doctor then filed a report with the police about her family’s (entirely legal) gun ownership.

Artists’ secret shopping mall pad: Eight artists built and furnished a secret apartment inside a US shopping mall - and stayed there for four years. They used breeze blocks to build the apartment in a disused space connected to the car park of the mall in Providence, Rhode Island. The artists ate, drank, slept, read, held meetings, watched TV and enjoyed PS2 games in their secret pad, reports the Providence Journal. They furnished it with a sofa, a love seat, a coffee table, a breakfast table with four chairs, lamps, a throw rug and paintings. But they lacked running water, a refrigerator and a toilet. The artists brought in jugs of drinking water and sneaked out to use mall toilets. Their leader, performance artist Michael Townsend, 36, was arrested after security at the Providence Place mall finally caught up with them. Townsend pleaded no contest to a criminal charge of trespassing.

Two tickets needed for conjoined twins: A mother who wanted to take her 1-year-old conjoined twin daughters on a cross-country flight to visit relatives was frustrated because she was told she’d have to buy an extra seat. Delta agents told her she would have to purchase a ticket for her daughters Emma and Taylor, who are conjoined at the chest. Because the twins have their own lungs, Delta originally told Bailey she had to buy an extra seat because both children need access to an oxygen mask in case of an emergency. Airline officials said there was nothing they could do and suggested that Mandy Bailey contact the American Red Cross to see if it would pay for it. After a call from a reporter, airline officials changed their minds.

Orang-utans prefer blondes: Sibu orang-utan has miffed his Dutch keepers by refusing to mate with females and showing sexual interest only in tattooed human blondes. Apenheul Primate Park hoped Sibu would become its breeding male when he arrived two years ago, but orang-utans aren’t his type. Instead, Sibu fancies his female keepers, especially blondes. That, the spokeswoman said, was common for orang-utans but Sibu has a fetish for tattoos, harking back to a heavily tattooed keeper who reared him.

Incredible dog hulk: Maybe they should call her a whoppet - after all, she’s a whopper of a whippet. This is Wendy, the dog whose appearance is a long way from the usual long, lean and sleek look of her breed. She was born with a genetic defect which has left her looking like the Incredible Hulk of Hounds. Her head, heart, lungs and legs are the size of those of a normal whippet, but a gene defect means she is “double muscled.”

Does your baby look like your cat? A newspaper in London is collecting pictures. Aren’t they cute?

Prisoner mails himself to freedom: A convicted fraudster escaped from a high security jail in Germany after climbing into a cardboard box and mailing himself to freedom. Max Friedener, 28, escaped from prison in Darmstadt after hiding in the box in the mailroom. He escaped from the mail van as it was driving away.The escape was only noticed when the mail truck arrived at the sorting depot and the hole in the box was spotted. It is the second time a convict has earned a ticket to ride by using the mail system. Only last month a convict in neighboring Austria escaped from Graz prison by posting himself out in a large box that was supposed to contain lamp post parts. Both escapees are still at large.

Charges dropped in sherry enema death: There are people out there who are way, way weirder that you are. Case in point, negligent homicide charges have been dropped against a woman who had been accused of killing her husband with a sherry enema that led to alcohol poisoning. Court records show the charge against Tammy Jean Warner, 45, of Texas City, was dismissed Aug. 31 because of insufficient evidence, the Houston Chronicle reported in its online edition Wednesday. Michael Warner, 58, died May 21, 2004. An autopsy showed he had been given an enema with enough sherry to have a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent, almost six times the legal limit of .08 percent in Texas. Tammy Warner has told the newspaper that her husband was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in them to get drunk.